


If I

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: A bit sad, Hanahaki AU, M/M, Unrequited Love, Unrequited gyuhao, Unrequited soonhoon, based on If I by Seventeen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 20:47:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12350373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: If I 늦었지만아직까지 난 눈과 입가에 네가 가득히하루가 지나 후회가 너무 깊어빠져 허우적거리고 있어If I I’m late butEven now, my eyes and mouth are full of youA day passes and the regret is too deepI’m drowning in it~If I, SeventeenThe last thing he saw before he blacked out was a smidge of red, lying on the ground.





	If I

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. sorry this is so short jsgfsfgffgdjgfjf i'll make it longer in the future !! (HOPEFULLY)
> 
> 2\. this is unedited soRRY but i just wanted to get this up

Mingyu sat up and rubbed his eyes with balled up fists. 

“Minghao?” He poked the sleeping boy’s sides and was greeted with a tired grumble. “What’s going to happen when we grow up?” 

“Mingyu, just go back to sleep.”

“No, Minghao. I’m scared. Please tell me again.” Mingyu gripped his best friend’s hand and pleaded with all his might. 

Minghao turned over and sighed loudly. “You wake me up at ass o’clock in the morning just to ask this.”

“Yes.” 

“Look, Mingyu.” He leaned on his elbows and faced the taller boy, who was staring at the blanket like it was the most interesting thing he had seen all day. “Don’t get anxious again. I’m very sure that we’re soulmates. I haven’t thrown up the petals in months, and I’m sure you haven’t either. Just go back to sleep, okay?” 

Mingyu’s cheeks flared up. He looked away just as Minghao was about to touch his face. He nodded in silence and slammed his face into his pillow, hoping to fall asleep as soon as possible beside the person he loved. 

“But, if we were soulmates, we would have stopped throwing them up since we were 6. How come you only stopped a few months back? What does th-”

“For fucks sake, Mingyu. Just sleep.” 

“Okay, Minghao.”

-

Mingyu glanced at the two of them on the couch. He coughed loudly and they finally pulled apart, gasping for air. 

“For fucks sake, Mingyu. Why are you back here?” Minghao scratched the back of his neck in shame, and a dash of pink ran across Junhui’s face. 

“I just forgot my jacket. I’ll be going now. Since I found it.” Mingyu jerked his thumb towards the door and tried not to shrink under his best friend’s angry gaze and his boyfriend’s embarrassed one. “Okay, bye guys. I’ll see you next week.” 

He closed the door shut and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked out into the biting winter air. He looked around. Couples holding hands as they walked past, eyes gazing into each other’s, big smiles plastered on their faces. 

Mingyu didn’t really enjoy this time of year. He just didn’t understand why people would voluntarily spend money on extravagant gifts just for one day that would eventually pass in the blink of an eye. He heard one of his university mates had bought a boat for his boyfriend, and another got a 5 day trip to Hawaii as a gift. 

He walked to the coffee shop with his earphones plugged in, blasting the first song he could find in his playlist into his ears. It was an instrumental song, with synths effortlessly weaved into it. It was a gift from two of his old friends, Seungcheol and Hansol, both whom he sadly had lost contact with. He still loved the song, though, and wouldn’t ever stop playing it when he was in the mood. 

He slid into one of the booths after ordering a green tea latte and started fondly at the sleeping boy in front of him. Even dressed from head to toe in ridiculous shades of clothes that were definitely not his size, Kwon Soonyoung still looked like he was way out of Mingyu’s league. And he was, kind and caring and forgiving, everything Mingyu thought he wasn’t. They were inseparable ever since he was 8 and Mingyu was 7, and were even closer than Mingyu and Minghao, if that was even possible. 

He nudged the older boy with his foot, and the latter woke up with a loud snort. 

“Mingyu! You’re finally here!” Soonyoung exclaimed, garnering some annoyed stares from the people around them. Mingyu ducked his head down. 

“Yeah, sorry I’m late. I left my jacket at his house and I walked in an-”

Tears blurred his vision as he sat there, trying not to cough. He reached his hand out to grab his latte, but knocked it down in his haste. He stared at the spilled drink on the table and tears flowed down his face. 

He felt weak.

Soonyoung took a plastic bag out of his pocket without uttering a word and handed it over to Mingyu as he slid in next to him. Mingyu dipped his head into the plastic bag and retched as softly as he could, trying his best to focus on the petals flowing from his mouth than the feeling of being stared at by everyone else. 

Soonyoung rubbed his back, a few tears of his own gathering in his eyes. 

Mingyu lifted his head and rubbed at his nose. He saw Soonyoung with tears streaming down his face, looking at him with eyes full of pity and love. 

“Are you alright?” The older boy asked him, voice barely louder than a whisper. 

“They’re really beautiful, aren’t they?” Mingyu looked into the bag and took a single petal out. “I love Morning Glories, but they don’t make me feel happy.” 

Soonyoung pat his back and sighed. “Mingyu, have you ever thought that maybe, Minghao isn’t your soulmate. I mean, he stopped quite a while back, around the time he met Junhui. You haven’t. You’ll have to wait.” He sniffed and Mingyu tensed up under his touch. 

“Soonyoung, I have no one else.” 

“You have me.” 

“But, you have Jihoon. Kind of.”

“Don’t even talk to me about Hoonie. He makes me puke out those stupid lilies every goddamn time he just looks at Seokmin. Don’t get me wrong, I love Seokmin, he’s really cool, but I started hating white because of him.” Soonyoung cracked a small smile in an effort to make Mingyu follow suit. 

“Tell you what. I’ve got a party going on tomorrow at my house. You’re now coming and you will have a good time, okay? I’ll be with you throughout. No Minghao, no Junhui, no Seokmin, no “Woozi” or whatever he wants to call himself. Just everyone else. Sound like a plan?” The older maneuvered his coffee over the spilt latte on the table and took a long sip. Mingyu had no energy to reject his offer, so he just nodded. 

“Okay, Soonyoung.” 

-

“THIS IS THE WILDEST PARTY I’VE EVER BEEN TO!” Mingyu heard someone scream, followed by the sound of glass breaking and the sound of splashing. Soonyoung’s brows furrowed as he desperately tried to see what had happened while gripping Mingyu’s arm. They were sat on one of the older’s many expensive couches that his parents had given him as a “small gift” and Mingyu was attempting to make small talk with a boy called Chan, who seemed more interested in the game in his phone than talking to anyone else. 

“Mingyu, come outside with me. I think Seungkwan got shoved into the pool again.” Soonyoung stood up and tugged on his arm, but Mingyu just shifted in his seat. 

“I think I’m good here. I’m okay with staying here for a few minutes, Soonyoung. Just go, I’ll be okay.” He reassured him with a small smile, and Soonyoung reluctantly let go while biting the inside of his cheek. 

“Okay, but just don’t go anywhere else okay? I’ll be back as soon as I can.” And with that, he was out of the house. Mingyu turned back to talk to Chan, but he had disappeared as well. He sat there, by himself, watching other people talking and twiddling his thumbs in boredom. 

“Junhui, Minghao! You guys are finally here!” One of the older boys at the party, Jeonghan, called out, and Mingyu swore he felt his heart fall all the way down to rest at his feet, still beating wildly. 

He couldn’t hear anything. All he saw were blurs of people walking past, and Minghao looking in his direction. He tried to stand up but his knees wobbled, both his legs felt like jelly, all while Minghao made his way to the same couch he was trying so desperately to get up from. 

Suddenly, he felt someone pulling his arm. His entire body went limp as the person dragged him onto the floor. He lay there for a while, feeling the familiar scratchiness in his throat rise up to his mouth and held his breath as he tried to repress it.

He saw Soonyoung above him, desperately trying to pull him somewhere, his face the ungodly mixture of fear and anger like he had never seen before. Mingyu couldn’t think about thanking him though, and he felt like he was going to projectile vomit hundreds of beautiful petals of the Morning Glory onto some poor partygoer. 

He couldn’t hold them in for any longer, so he jumped to his feet and started sprinting to wherever his lanky legs would take him. He could faintly hear Soonyoung shouting after him, and he was banging his tired head into walls, but he had to go somewhere, anywhere away from everyone. 

Soon, the distinct smell of bleach and air freshener filled his nose and he barged into the nearest room, and saw someone leaning over the toilet bowl, presumably regurgitating the contents of whatever alcohol that was on the countertop just now. But, Mingyu couldn’t think much, he couldn’t even see straight, so he just fell to his knees, the petals already falling out of his mouth at the fastest speed he had ever seen them before. 

He was kneeling there, in the corner of a bathroom that was very obviously occupied by someone else, tears spilling out of his eyes as well as the beautiful indigo petals from his mouth. Periodically coughing, his knees gave way and he lay on the cold, marble flooring, shivering and tearing up. He closed his eyes and sucked in his breath. 

_1_

_2_

_3_

_4_

_5_

It usually helped, him counting to the biggest number he could in silence. It worked wonders on his heart, which seemed to be beating so fast he could hardly breathe. He could barely even feel anything, everything around him was dulled down, except for the soft hands that dragged him to rest on the side of the toilet bowl. Every finger that was laid on him felt like a small electric shock, but Mingyu didn’t really mind. 

He cracked an eye open as he heard the door to the bathroom being opened, and only caught a glimpse of the person’s totally black attire and a tuft of light brown hair. Everything seemed blurry, everything was spinning, he couldn’t focus. 

The last thing he saw before he blacked out was a smidge of red, lying on the ground. 

-

“Oh, you know,” Mingyu sipped his green tea from his least favourite _Flower Power_ mug as he set his phone on the table. “I just didn’t feel well. I’m okay now, though.”

“You really scared me and Minghao last night, you know?” Junhui’s soft voice on the other side of the line was heavily amplified by the crazy volume Mingyu had set on his phone’s speakerphone and he cringed at the sharpness. “We came in, and you were suddenly sprinting away with the palest face. And when Minghao tried to run after you, Soonyoung kinda tripped him and punched him straight in his nose.” 

Mingyu sighed and looked into his murky drink. 

“I’m sorry. I apologise on Soonyoung’s behalf. Is Hao alright?”

“Doctor said he broke his nose bridge and fractured his ankle from the fall.” Mingyu could almost hear Jun’s tears forming and he gulped. “Come visit him, okay? I think he’s still very confused as to why Soonyoung did that.” 

“Thanks, Junhui. I-I’ll call you soon.” 

Mingyu let his face fall down into his hands. He didn’t mean for something so drastic to happen. He loved Soonyoung with all his heart, but the older could go a little overboard at times. 

Like a routine whenever he felt upset or sad or just generally unhappy, he punched Soonyoung’s number into his phone and let it sit on his pristine table. 

“Hello?” 

“Please come over. I don’t feel well.” 

-

And that’s how Wonwoo, Soonyoung’s very unfairly good-looking roommate, ended up at Mingyu’s neat home at seven in the morning, with his head down low and eyes crusted at the edges with sleep. 

“I had to bring him. He kinda needs me around right now. Is that alright?” Soonyoung asked with an edge of regret in his voice, and Mingyu really didn’t have a reason to say no to him or his incredibly beautiful friend.

“Have we met before, Wonwoo?” Mingyu pursed his lips and blew on his coffee, and the other two did the same. Wonwoo’s eyes widened a little, but went back down into the slightly bored expression he had been sporting for the last fifteen minutes. The older boy shook his head and quickly diverted his attention to Mingyu’s marble floor, seeming very intrigued. 

Soonyoung was engrossed in his phone, very occupied by whoever he was texting. His tongue was poking out the side of his mouth, and his eyes were glassy. 

“Put on a movie, please. I’ll be back.” He dipped his head and slipped his phone into his pocket and made a beeline to the toilet. Mingyu swore he heard Wonwoo sniffle, but when he turned to the smaller male, he as coughing quietly into his fist. 

Awful retching sounds floated from the bathroom into the ears of the two boys and they sighed in unison. 

“Wonwoo, you can pick a movie if you’d like. They’re in that shelf there.” Mingyu pinched the bridge of his nose to get rid of the headache that was slowly forming as he pointed to the very unsturdy looking wooden shelf that looked like it was going to collapse any minute. He shuffled into the kitchen to make some green tea for his friend who sounded like he was going to cough out his lungs at any moment. 

He could faintly hear the sound of Wonwoo rustling through all his movies, occasionally sneezing at the rare sight of dust that Mingyu had in his house. The younger wished he had not let Wonwoo rummage through his movies to prevent him from getting any allergies and made a mental note to clean his whole house again. 

Even after _The Avengers_ started playing on Mingyu’s huge TV set, Soonyoung hadn’t emerged from his place next to the toilet. The retching had turned into the sound of gagging and loud sniffles. 

“I wish I could help him.” Mingyu thought out loud, catching the attention of Wonwoo who was sitting opposite him. He licked his lips and looked in Mingyu’s general direction, but not making eye contact. 

“I’d do whatever to help him,” Mingyu huffed, a little annoyed at Wonwoo’s silence that seemed to be slapping him in the face. “Would you?”

But, Wonwoo’s quiet reply made Mingyu feel like he wanted the deafening silence back.

“If I could.”

**Author's Note:**

> woah okay WHOO those 2k+ took like 2 weeks to write what am i doing usghfsghgf
> 
> anyway should i continue this as a chaptered series? or nah ? comment below if you want this to be a series or just a one chapter thing with a clliffhanger ?? idk it's late and im tired and it probably has bad grammar but im soRRY


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